What is birth like?

Birth is different for everyone. And each labor is usually different for the same mom. Women use many different words to describe the feelings and sensations of birth. I think the best way to describe it is intense. Giving birth to another human being, having a person pass through you and out into the world is probably the most intense experience I can imagine. It is intense physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It takes strength you didn't know you had. It takes determination, faith, and trust in yourself, your body, and your baby. In spite of the level of intensity, it does not have to be painful. Many women describe pleasure, even ecstasy during their births, while others describe a lot of pressure.

One of the most important things to remember about birth is that it is a journey, and only you and your baby can make that journey. No one else, no machine, no doctor, no doula can make it for you. Your team is there to support you throughout, but it is yours. You will have to go deep inside yourself and make that journey through each twist and turn of labor. You and your baby will need to work together, reassuring each other, talking to each other..connected. You will have to face the intensity of physical, emotional, and spiritual sensation of each moment. When you anticipate and realize the normalcy of the intensity, you will be able to let go of any fear you may be holding about birth. It is normal. Just as your body knows how to breathe, it knows also how to birth.

One of the tools I love for labor preparation and use during labor is the Birthing from Within LabOrinth. Take a moment and go read the article about it. It describes perfectly the journey of birth. Labor is not a delineated process as medical texts describe, and women don't experience it as neat and tidy as "1st, 2nd, and 3rd stage". It is a winding road, and a path that once you begin you must finish. At the end of the path is your precious baby and the completion of the journey.

Every woman must figure out how to best complete her birthing journey, and that starts in pre-conception and pregnancy as you choose your doctor, your birthing place, your birthing team (doula, friend, midwife, etc), your childbirth preparation class, and most importantly the mindfulness of yourself, your body, and your baby. Every bit of preparation sets the stage for the beautiful day when you pass from the world of a woman to that of a mother.

It's Yours

I drank too much coffee today and now I am unable to sleep and thinking about...empowered birth. One thing that I believe is not talked about enough in the birth community is the parent's responsibility in their birth experience. And I get why it's not talked about... it could easily be taken the wrong way by mommies who had a bad experience. That is the furthest thing from my mind and intentions with this post. I never, ever want moms to feel guilty and blame themselves for a bad birth experience. 

That being said, responsibility is a HUGE part of an empowered birth. I think as women, especially in America, we are raised to blindly trust doctors and not question them. Unfortunately, this trust is not always warranted. Not to say that there aren't fabulous, amazing doctors out there. There are. And not to say that this lack of trustworthiness is always the doctor's fault, it's not. Some of it is a product of the bureaucratic system in which our medical system operates. There are so many lawsuits, with protocols to follow along after them to prevent more lawsuits. There are insurance companies that force doctors to play by their rules, or else. In general, it is a system which needs a lot of fixing.

Which is why women have to be more vigilant than ever when it comes to their pregnancies, births, and babies. Mamas, your body belongs to YOU. Your baby belongs to YOU. Your birth belongs to YOU. Not your doctor, not the nurses on call when you go into labor, not your doula or your friend or your sister. YOU. You (along with your partner) are the ONLY one(s) qualified to make decisions for yourself and your baby. You are the only one who should be making the choices in childbirth that you will remember forever. Yes, your doctor may be more educated in matters of the uterus and what to do in true medical emergencies. But that does not mean that you have to be uneducated. In fact, I have heard of moms who knew more about birth matters than their doctor! (One friend had to educate her doctor about delayed cord clamping... he had never heard of it before!)

Research. Research. Research some more. Don't take your friend's word for it that birth is awful and you are crazy to go without an epidural. Don't take your doctor's word for it that you HAVE to be induced at 41 weeks for the simple reason that you are 41 weeks. Or that because you had a cesarean before, you have to have one again. Don't take the mainstream's opinion blindly that your baby has to have every vaccine on the vaccine schedule at the exact time recommended. Research! Figure out what is right for YOU! No one else is going to take responsibility for you and your baby... only you get that great honor!

(source)

**Choosing a team (care provider, hospital, doula) to collaborate with to create the experience you want is up to you.
**Making a plan to outline your wishes to the best of your ability is up to you.
**Educating yourself on options and what is best for you and your baby is up to you.
**Standing up for those choices and refusing to be part of the "protocol system" is...you guessed it, up to you!

The doctor won't do it. The nurses won't do it. (Generally). They have their duties and responsibilities and advocating for your ideal birth isn't typically one of them. (All of the nurses I have worked with as a doula have been wonderful to my clients! I am not demonizing medical staff here... just trying to illustrate the point that they need to do their jobs, which include charting, monitoring, and reporting to the doctor. Their job doesn't necessarily include cheering you on... or trying to help remind you that you did not want an epidural... or encouraging you to get in the shower... or trying acupressure).

Mamas, be EMPOWERED. You have choices! Don't wait for "permission" to birth how you choose.. don't even think of it as someone "letting" you take a shower or walk around or decline an IV/epidural/amniotomy or whatever it may be. It is your right! I'll say it again.. You have the right to give birth how you want! Your birth belongs to you and no one else. Take that great responsibility into your hands and OWN it.

What is Empowered Birth?

I throw the words "empowering" and "empowerment" around a lot when it comes to my services as a doula and birth in general. But what does having an empowered birth really mean?

Dictionary.com defines it as: em·pow·er
1. to give power or authority to; authorize
2. to enable or permit: Knowledge and preparation empowered her to have a wonderful birth experience. (Okay, so I added that example in! ;p) 

So how does this apply to birth?
Knowledge is power! ~ Empowered birth is a mama and her partner who know their options and are educated on the birth process, common procedures, and their rights as a birthing couple.
Options ~ Empowered birth means that the mama and her partner are in the driver's seat of their care. They know their options, and they make the choices that are best for THEM and THEIR baby. What is right for one couple may not be right for another. What is right for one baby's birth may not be right for the next baby.
Support ~ The birthing couple should have experienced, compassionate people around them during labor and birth who will support and help them achieve the birth wishes they have prepared for.
Freedom ~ Empowered mamas do what they need to do in labor! Some mamas may want to move around, take a bath/shower, groan, moan, yell, crawl on the floor, rock their hips, sing songs, chant. Other mamas may want to have medical pain relief. Whatever is right for her!!
A safe place ~ Empowered birth happens in the place of the mama's choosing. She should labor and birth wherever is most comfortable and meets her needs, whether that is at a hospital, in a birth center, or at home.
A caring provider ~ Empowered birth should include a care provider who respects their patient's wishes, takes time to hear and answer her questions/concerns, and does everything they can to help her have the experience she desires. (This is not always the case, unfortunately, but women can have the experience they want regardless of this!)
Intuition and Belief ~ Empowered birth is a woman who listens to her intuition and goes with her instincts. She has a strong belief in her body's POWER and her ability to give birth to the child she has grown.

For me, it's all about education and setting yourself up for success. This is what I focus on in prenatals. Arming the mama and papa to be with info on their choices, their rights, and walking with them through creating the scene in which their baby will be welcomed. What birthing environment to choose? What type of care provider to have? Where to labor? What comfort techniques to use during labor to achieve their goals? For each woman, the vision of birth is different. We all have unique wants and needs. Empowered birth is about preparing and planning to have those wants and needs met. And if they change during labor, that's fine too! A mama who has just given birth her way, to the best of her ability, making informed decisions along the way... that's empowered birth! 

Be Positive

I feel that one of the most important steps in childbirth happens weeks before you ever feel your first contraction. It is so essential because it will effect you on that beautiful day and will largely (I believe) determine the outcome of your birth experience. It is this: the way that you talk to yourself. Now I'm not talking about voices in your head schizophrenia style, but we all talk to ourselves, don't we? We tell ourselves that we are too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too dumb, too weak. What we tell ourselves is based on our beliefs and experiences. And it determines our actions, our feelings, and the situations we end up in. Think about the way you talk to yourself. Is it positive? Uplifting? Or are you hard on yourself and kind of negative about your strength and abilities? Trust me, it WILL make a difference on your birthing day.

Take for instance a little story about two women. They are both pregnant. They are both beautiful, young, smart, and loved. They both think about the day that they will go into labor.

Woman #1 is very positive about her birth experience and has gone to great lengths to prepare herself for that day. She has taken classes and focused on relaxation and meditating on positive affirmations throughout her last trimester. She asks people not to tell her about their birth horror stories. She is not sure of exactly what to expect, but overall she feels positive and in control. She has faith in herself and her body's ability to birth.

Woman #2 is scared of birth. She knows it hurts, people have told her how much over and over again. They have told her "natural" birth is nuts, who wouldn't want an epidural?!! She hasn't taken a childbirth education class and she is largely unaware of her options and choices in the hospital setting. She is afraid that she won't be able to handle the pain.

Which of these two women do you think is going to have a more positive birth experience? Which one is going to be better prepared to handle the potential surprises and "obstacles" that can arise in the birth process? Which is more likely to need medical intervention and pain relief?

Now. I am not saying that epidurals and pain relief don't have their place. This is not about pain relief or childbirth situations at all. It is about being prepared and confident. It is about not going into birth with a crippling fear, but rather going into it confident and empowered in your ability to birth a child and make informed decisions along the way. It is about making sure that when you look back on your birth experience, epidural or not, interventions or not, that you knew you were as prepared as possible and made the best choices for you in that situation.

What we say to ourselves matters. It goes into our subconscious and it dictates a large part of our lives. The Hypnobabies website discusses this:

In other cultures, childbirth is regarded as a natural, normal event in a woman's life. The birthing women are given support from other women, and children are often present to witness the event. In this way, birth is celebrated and honored. Young girls then grow up with the belief system that birth is a positive event and their expectations of childbirth reflect this attitude. As a result, their births are similar to their predecessors; without pain and fear. They have a positive expectation of childbirth. In our culture, it is very much the opposite. For many generations we have been told that delivering a baby will be untold hours of painfully agonizing work, to be faced with fear and trepidation. We have heard stories from well-meaning friends and family that send shivers up our spines, and so the legacy continues. We experience pain in childbirth, in part because we very much expect to! 

If we expect pain, we harbor fear. If we harbor fear, we tense up. When we tense up, pain increases. 

So my message is this. Be prepared. Know what to expect. Be kind to yourself. Have faith in yourself. If you don't, pretend. Tell yourself every day that you can do it. Tell yourself that your body was made to do this.

Find a CD or a book of pregnancy and birth affirmations.
Do the Hypnobabies program. (I recommend this only because I have had several clients use it with great success).
At the very least, write down your own affirmations. To do this, think of all your negative, fearful thoughts, and then write down the opposite. For instance, if you are afraid you won't be able to handle the pain, write down "I will be calm and relaxed. I will handle one contraction at a time. The pain cannot be greater than me, because it IS me."
Then set apart time for yourself every single day where you meditate or pray and tell yourself all the positive things you have written down. (Or listen to the CD, or read the book, etc.) Repeat them out loud. Even if you don't truly believe them at first, the point is to repeat it enough that it goes into your subconscious.
"Fake it till you make it"!
At the same time, do not allow yourself to think negative thoughts.
If one pops into your head, immediately combat it with a positive thought.
Politely ask all your well meaning friends not to tell you their traumatic birth stories until after you give birth.
Don't watch sensationalized TV shows like One Born Every Minute.
Read positive birth stories and books, such as Painless Childbirth, Birth Without Fear, Orgasmic Birth. Begin to look forward to the day you birth your baby.
Focus on it as the beautiful, miraculous, natural event that it is.
Anticipate it with joy and excitement.
YOU.CAN.DO.IT!!!!
You were made to do it.
Your body effortlessly and subconsciously formed a human being.
So it can also give birth to it normally and naturally.

Much love and positive thoughts,
Elyse

Herbs for Heartburn!

I just took a class on herbs for pregnancy and wanted to share some tips for one common pregnancy ailment: heartburn!!

(Photo credit) 

The herbs that are beneficial for heartburn are: 

Anise
Slippery Elm
Chamomile
Fennel

You can make a tea out of the Anise, Slippery Elm, and Chamomile and drink that for prevention of heartburn or to alleviate it once you have it.

You can also chew on fennel seeds to alleviate heartburn (apparently this is a common practice in Indian culture and cuisine).

Other foods that are said to relieve heartburn are almonds, papaya, and mango. It is reported that Pepto Bismol uses properties of papaya and mango in their formula!

I remember having the worst heartburn with my daughter, so I hope this can help some mamas who may be suffering with it!

***Please remember: I am not a doctor or an herbalist. I am simply passing along information that I learned. Please do your own research and/or ask your doctor before use of any herbs during pregnancy and breastfeeding.***

The Beginning.. It Matters

"The beginning is the most important part, especially in the case of a young and tender thing; for that is the time at which the character is being formed." ~ Plato

I saw this quote in a book yesterday called "Sleeping Beauties", next to a picture of a darling sleeping baby. It really hit home to me, because it is so true that beginnings matter. 

Pregnancy matters - it starts the bond between a mother and child and is the time in which a child's physical and emotional genesis occurs. Foods, stress, and the fetus' experience inside the womb shapes who they become. (See the book "Origins") 

Birth matters - it affects the mother, child, and family so greatly as to even make a lifetime impression. A peaceful and undisturbed birth can give a mother such empowerment, satisfaction, and confidence. A traumatic birth can hurt and leave scars for a very long time. (I know, I've been there!) We don't know exactly how birth affects babies but we know it does. We know it can affect their health for the rest of their lives (the colonization of good bacteria in a vaginal birthed baby). We know it can affect the breastfeeding relationship, which also has a lifelong affect on health (for both mother and baby!). I believe too, that even though babies can't "remember" being born, we carry it with us long past the following days, weeks, and months. It matters. 

The postpartum period matters - It is the time in which families bond and gel together. It is when the mother and baby learn each other and work together for the baby's survival (think breastfeeding, nurturing, touch, love). It is when the baby learns to trust his parents. It is when the parents learn to trust themselves and listen to their instincts. A peaceful, calm environment can make all the difference in a mother or fathers sense of confidence in caring for their child. Helpful loving support can make all the difference in a successful breastfeeding relationship and reduced risk of postpartum depression. It matters. 

It all matters. Cherish these moments. Get the support you need and deserve. Be educated on your choices and rights and beliefs about how you want to birth and care for your child. Don't let these beginnings go by without being conscious of how precious and fleeting this time is, because it matters. 

Meal Train

I just discovered the website Meal Train today, and I think it's a great tool. It allows a person to set up  a meal calendar, with dates that you want meals and food preferences/allergies. Then you can email or facebook the calendar to family, friends, church members, etc. and they can reserve a date! It is perfect for the family with the new baby and even during pregnancy if the mama is on bed rest or needs a little extra help! Check it out.