It's Yours

I drank too much coffee today and now I am unable to sleep and thinking about...empowered birth. One thing that I believe is not talked about enough in the birth community is the parent's responsibility in their birth experience. And I get why it's not talked about... it could easily be taken the wrong way by mommies who had a bad experience. That is the furthest thing from my mind and intentions with this post. I never, ever want moms to feel guilty and blame themselves for a bad birth experience. 

That being said, responsibility is a HUGE part of an empowered birth. I think as women, especially in America, we are raised to blindly trust doctors and not question them. Unfortunately, this trust is not always warranted. Not to say that there aren't fabulous, amazing doctors out there. There are. And not to say that this lack of trustworthiness is always the doctor's fault, it's not. Some of it is a product of the bureaucratic system in which our medical system operates. There are so many lawsuits, with protocols to follow along after them to prevent more lawsuits. There are insurance companies that force doctors to play by their rules, or else. In general, it is a system which needs a lot of fixing.

Which is why women have to be more vigilant than ever when it comes to their pregnancies, births, and babies. Mamas, your body belongs to YOU. Your baby belongs to YOU. Your birth belongs to YOU. Not your doctor, not the nurses on call when you go into labor, not your doula or your friend or your sister. YOU. You (along with your partner) are the ONLY one(s) qualified to make decisions for yourself and your baby. You are the only one who should be making the choices in childbirth that you will remember forever. Yes, your doctor may be more educated in matters of the uterus and what to do in true medical emergencies. But that does not mean that you have to be uneducated. In fact, I have heard of moms who knew more about birth matters than their doctor! (One friend had to educate her doctor about delayed cord clamping... he had never heard of it before!)

Research. Research. Research some more. Don't take your friend's word for it that birth is awful and you are crazy to go without an epidural. Don't take your doctor's word for it that you HAVE to be induced at 41 weeks for the simple reason that you are 41 weeks. Or that because you had a cesarean before, you have to have one again. Don't take the mainstream's opinion blindly that your baby has to have every vaccine on the vaccine schedule at the exact time recommended. Research! Figure out what is right for YOU! No one else is going to take responsibility for you and your baby... only you get that great honor!

(source)

**Choosing a team (care provider, hospital, doula) to collaborate with to create the experience you want is up to you.
**Making a plan to outline your wishes to the best of your ability is up to you.
**Educating yourself on options and what is best for you and your baby is up to you.
**Standing up for those choices and refusing to be part of the "protocol system" is...you guessed it, up to you!

The doctor won't do it. The nurses won't do it. (Generally). They have their duties and responsibilities and advocating for your ideal birth isn't typically one of them. (All of the nurses I have worked with as a doula have been wonderful to my clients! I am not demonizing medical staff here... just trying to illustrate the point that they need to do their jobs, which include charting, monitoring, and reporting to the doctor. Their job doesn't necessarily include cheering you on... or trying to help remind you that you did not want an epidural... or encouraging you to get in the shower... or trying acupressure).

Mamas, be EMPOWERED. You have choices! Don't wait for "permission" to birth how you choose.. don't even think of it as someone "letting" you take a shower or walk around or decline an IV/epidural/amniotomy or whatever it may be. It is your right! I'll say it again.. You have the right to give birth how you want! Your birth belongs to you and no one else. Take that great responsibility into your hands and OWN it.

Should I Have a Doula If....

I sometimes get questions from prospective clients about different birthing experiences and whether or not they would need/want a doula in that situation. Here I am going to answer those and explain why a doula is useful and valuable in any situation.

Should I Have a Doula If.... I am having a home birth/birth center birth with a midwife? 
Yes!!! Although at times the roles of doula and midwife overlap, they still have distinct areas of focus. The midwife is primarily focused on the health of the mother and baby, and the clinical aspects of birth. She needs to monitor heart rates and blood pressure, catch the baby, and all that comes along with that. If in a birth center, the midwife will also have other clients and will not be able to stay with the laboring mom at all times.

The role of the doula is the same in every birth situation: to focus on the emotional well being and physical comfort of the mom. The doula doesn't have any other clients to focus on, and does not need to address the medical aspect of birth. She is there solely to encourage, support, and take care of mom and partner. She helps keep mom relaxed and provides physical comfort in the form of massage, hot/cold packs, hip squeezes, & gentle touch. She knows the relaxation techniques and birth preparations the parents have done and helps them employ them. (i.e. Hypnobabies, Lamaze, etc).

Here is a great excerpt from this article: "The doula is concerned with the mother’s emotional experience first and foremost. The midwife must be concerned with the health and safety of the mother and her baby first and foremost. The doula is a peer, like a new friend with experience in birthing."

Should I Have a Doula If.... My supportive and loving husband/partner is going to be there? 
Yes!!! The doula is not there to take the place of the mom's partner. To the contrary, the doula is there to support both the mother and the partner. Birth can be a long process! Some ways the doula can support the partner are by letting them take a break for a nap or meal, making sure they are also staying calm and are doing well emotionally, and helping them support the mom by showing them techniques to try.. to name a few.

The other difference between the doula and partner is that the doula is a trained birth professional. She has experience in the physiology and process of birth. She knows all the tips and tricks to comfort mama, positions to try to make labor go faster, and can help explain procedures. She has experience and has been at several other births. She knows the different methods of childbirth preparation and can help remind mom and partner of what they learned in their childbirth class. 

A doula knows that the husband/partner knows and loves mom and baby the most! She is there to support the whole family unit so that everyone can have a beautiful experience. 

Should I Have a Doula If.... This is my second, third, fourth child? 
Yes!!! Every single birth experience is different. Every baby has a unique passage to birth and the mama should have support every.single.time. Things might occur in your third birth that never happened in the first two. You may have different wishes for subsequent births. You may be giving birth in different settings. You may have different emotions this time around. Your baby may be in a different position. Each new birth is a new adventure!

Bottom line, loving support is an essential ingredient in every birth. 

Meal Train

I just discovered the website Meal Train today, and I think it's a great tool. It allows a person to set up  a meal calendar, with dates that you want meals and food preferences/allergies. Then you can email or facebook the calendar to family, friends, church members, etc. and they can reserve a date! It is perfect for the family with the new baby and even during pregnancy if the mama is on bed rest or needs a little extra help! Check it out.