Be Positive

I feel that one of the most important steps in childbirth happens weeks before you ever feel your first contraction. It is so essential because it will effect you on that beautiful day and will largely (I believe) determine the outcome of your birth experience. It is this: the way that you talk to yourself. Now I'm not talking about voices in your head schizophrenia style, but we all talk to ourselves, don't we? We tell ourselves that we are too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too dumb, too weak. What we tell ourselves is based on our beliefs and experiences. And it determines our actions, our feelings, and the situations we end up in. Think about the way you talk to yourself. Is it positive? Uplifting? Or are you hard on yourself and kind of negative about your strength and abilities? Trust me, it WILL make a difference on your birthing day.

Take for instance a little story about two women. They are both pregnant. They are both beautiful, young, smart, and loved. They both think about the day that they will go into labor.

Woman #1 is very positive about her birth experience and has gone to great lengths to prepare herself for that day. She has taken classes and focused on relaxation and meditating on positive affirmations throughout her last trimester. She asks people not to tell her about their birth horror stories. She is not sure of exactly what to expect, but overall she feels positive and in control. She has faith in herself and her body's ability to birth.

Woman #2 is scared of birth. She knows it hurts, people have told her how much over and over again. They have told her "natural" birth is nuts, who wouldn't want an epidural?!! She hasn't taken a childbirth education class and she is largely unaware of her options and choices in the hospital setting. She is afraid that she won't be able to handle the pain.

Which of these two women do you think is going to have a more positive birth experience? Which one is going to be better prepared to handle the potential surprises and "obstacles" that can arise in the birth process? Which is more likely to need medical intervention and pain relief?

Now. I am not saying that epidurals and pain relief don't have their place. This is not about pain relief or childbirth situations at all. It is about being prepared and confident. It is about not going into birth with a crippling fear, but rather going into it confident and empowered in your ability to birth a child and make informed decisions along the way. It is about making sure that when you look back on your birth experience, epidural or not, interventions or not, that you knew you were as prepared as possible and made the best choices for you in that situation.

What we say to ourselves matters. It goes into our subconscious and it dictates a large part of our lives. The Hypnobabies website discusses this:

In other cultures, childbirth is regarded as a natural, normal event in a woman's life. The birthing women are given support from other women, and children are often present to witness the event. In this way, birth is celebrated and honored. Young girls then grow up with the belief system that birth is a positive event and their expectations of childbirth reflect this attitude. As a result, their births are similar to their predecessors; without pain and fear. They have a positive expectation of childbirth. In our culture, it is very much the opposite. For many generations we have been told that delivering a baby will be untold hours of painfully agonizing work, to be faced with fear and trepidation. We have heard stories from well-meaning friends and family that send shivers up our spines, and so the legacy continues. We experience pain in childbirth, in part because we very much expect to! 

If we expect pain, we harbor fear. If we harbor fear, we tense up. When we tense up, pain increases. 

So my message is this. Be prepared. Know what to expect. Be kind to yourself. Have faith in yourself. If you don't, pretend. Tell yourself every day that you can do it. Tell yourself that your body was made to do this.

Find a CD or a book of pregnancy and birth affirmations.
Do the Hypnobabies program. (I recommend this only because I have had several clients use it with great success).
At the very least, write down your own affirmations. To do this, think of all your negative, fearful thoughts, and then write down the opposite. For instance, if you are afraid you won't be able to handle the pain, write down "I will be calm and relaxed. I will handle one contraction at a time. The pain cannot be greater than me, because it IS me."
Then set apart time for yourself every single day where you meditate or pray and tell yourself all the positive things you have written down. (Or listen to the CD, or read the book, etc.) Repeat them out loud. Even if you don't truly believe them at first, the point is to repeat it enough that it goes into your subconscious.
"Fake it till you make it"!
At the same time, do not allow yourself to think negative thoughts.
If one pops into your head, immediately combat it with a positive thought.
Politely ask all your well meaning friends not to tell you their traumatic birth stories until after you give birth.
Don't watch sensationalized TV shows like One Born Every Minute.
Read positive birth stories and books, such as Painless Childbirth, Birth Without Fear, Orgasmic Birth. Begin to look forward to the day you birth your baby.
Focus on it as the beautiful, miraculous, natural event that it is.
Anticipate it with joy and excitement.
YOU.CAN.DO.IT!!!!
You were made to do it.
Your body effortlessly and subconsciously formed a human being.
So it can also give birth to it normally and naturally.

Much love and positive thoughts,
Elyse