But what about AFTER the baby is born? How often are we prepared for the time after we come home from the hospital or birth center? I know I wasn't. Sure, I arranged for my ride home, and my mom stayed with me for a week. But beyond that, I had no idea of what to expect or how I was going to "do it all". I think this is true for a lot of parents in our society. We assume that we will not need help, that we can do it all ourselves.
I believe that mothers know how to care for their baby, instinctively. Does that mean we know how to do everything and need no outside help? No!! It has been common practice throughout history for many women to surround a new mother and instruct her in the art of mothering her child.
And what about the rest of it? The meals, the laundry, the showers, the first baby bath, the breastfeeding? Our society has such an attitude of the idea that women should be able to do it all, and 3 days postpartum, no less! I believe that this expectation of mothers causes immense undue stress, which can lead to lack of confidence in caring for her baby, postpartum anxiety, and even postpartum depression.
The author Suzanne Arms asks "Is ours not a strange culture that focuses so much attention on childbirth--virtually all of it based on anxiety and fear--and so little on the crucial time after birth, when patterns are established that will affect the individual and the family for decades?"
In other cultures, the postpartum woman is well taken care of. In Korea, mothers are cared for 21 days postpartum. They are on bed rest and keep their baby with them in their room at all times (source).
In India, the postpartum woman is kept in seclusion "and attended to by female relatives. The Rajasthani enforced rest, physical and emotional support during the establishment of maternal bonding and lactation may be crucial in preventing or relieving postpartum depression, and are similar to those observed in Nepal which are also considered to manage postpartum stress" (source) .
In the North African Amazigh tribe, women are kept secluded and attended by a midwife for 7 days after birth. They are painted with henna and eye kohl, and perform some of the same familiar rituals as their wedding time. "The effect of these ritual actions was to allow the mother to rest and be cared for by an experienced attendant during the 10 day period required for her estrogen, progesterone and prolactin levels to stabilize and for her to recover her strength. Neither mother nor child were washed with water during this period, but were cleaned with oil and henna." (source) These rituals and care continue for 40 days postpartum, and the mother and baby are kept together constantly so that the maternal - baby bond can be established. The mother is also excused from all household chores during this time.
In China and Nepal, "very little attention is paid to the pregnancy; much more attention is focused on the mother after the baby is born. This has been described as "mothering the mother." For example, the new status of the mother is recognized through social rituals and gifts" (source).
In rural Guatemala, and the Yucatan, "ritual bathing, washing of hair, massage, binding of the abdomen, and other types of personal care" are common postpartum practices done for the mother (source).
How does this compare to the postpartum care of mothers in America? Can we even imagine being doted on, tended to, having our hair washed, all our meals prepared and brought to us, being massaged, being "made up" to look beautiful, not having to worry or focus on ANYTHING but our new baby?
Typically a new mama will come home 1 or 2 days after giving birth in a hospital or birth center. Her husband (if she has one) may stay home for a week if possible, and her parents may be able to come to help for a week or two. For the most part, however, new mothers are left to fend for themselves, due to the nature of our society where it is rare to have support people who do not work full time. Mamas are supposed to recover from the birth, take care of their new baby, take care of their other children (if they have them), breastfeed successfully, cook for themselves and their family, keep the house clean, do the laundry, do the dishes, and try to rest. This is such an unrealistic expectation of our postpartum women. It does them and their babies a GREAT disservice by causing incredible stress because it is just not possible to do it all.
Typically a new mama will come home 1 or 2 days after giving birth in a hospital or birth center. Her husband (if she has one) may stay home for a week if possible, and her parents may be able to come to help for a week or two. For the most part, however, new mothers are left to fend for themselves, due to the nature of our society where it is rare to have support people who do not work full time. Mamas are supposed to recover from the birth, take care of their new baby, take care of their other children (if they have them), breastfeed successfully, cook for themselves and their family, keep the house clean, do the laundry, do the dishes, and try to rest. This is such an unrealistic expectation of our postpartum women. It does them and their babies a GREAT disservice by causing incredible stress because it is just not possible to do it all.
This is where postpartum doulas come in. My next blog post will discuss what a postpartum doula is and how she can help our precious postpartum mamas. :-)
Here are the articles where I got my information - very interesting, I recommend you read them!
Traditional Postpartum Rituals of India, North Africa, and the Middle East - Catherine Cartwright Jones 
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