Mother, Baby, or Birth?

In doula training we did a self assessment which helped us, as doulas, determine what about serving others in birth was most important to us. If we identified most closely with the mother, it meant our philosophy on birth was to help the mother have HER best birth. If we identified mostly with the baby, then it was most important to us that the baby be healthy and have the least amount of interferences for its own well being. Lastly, if we identified most closely with the birth itself, that meant that we valued our idea of the "perfect birth" above all else. For most doulas this is a "natural" birth, or a birth free of any and all intervention.

At first I thought I identified most closely with birth. After all, a "natural" birth was what was best for the mother and baby anyways, right? Over time and through experience, I have come to change my mind. Yes, there is an ideal in the doula birth community, and it is intervention-free birth. Most parents want intervention-free birth as well. Some do not.

Now, I would classify myself as identifying most closely with the mother, with the baby coming in at a close second. What am I there for, if not to serve the mother (and her partner)? Am I there to serve my own purposes? And have my own agenda for birth be carried out? "May it never be so!!". What I want in birth does not have any bearing on the situation, unless it is MY birth. I want what my clients want. I want what they have chosen to be BEST for them, their baby, and their unique situation. I read in an article somewhere (cant remember which one) that birth is like snow and each client is a snowflake. They are all different, unique. A mother may choose or need to have a cesearean birth because of sexual trauma, or because of an STD that she doesn't want to risk passing on to her baby. Or it may be, after DAYS of labor, that she finally decides with the help of her support team, to have a cesarean birth.

There are also limitations within the obstetrical world, from what I've seen. A lot of families are birthing in hospitals, 99% countrywide, in fact. When you birth in a hospital, you cannot always have your "best case scenario". We as women are limited in our birth choices sometimes. Is it the mother's failing, then, that her water broke and her contractions aren't progressing, and because of the medical model she is in, she has pitocin? (Sure, you could say she chose to birth in a hospital, and it's easy to say that when we are not in the situation of having no spare cash to pay for a midwife or a birth center that our insurance won't cover.)

I agree that so many interventions and procedures are done far TOO OFTEN and should not be standard by any means. I am painfully aware that our model of care for birthing women needs to change drastically in this country. I will be the first one to advocate for that change and for a mother's right to birth how she wants.

The reason that I bring all this up (and the long awaited point here) is that I see some birth professionals discounting mothers birth experiences because they were not strictly intervention free. I see them saying that it is not a natural birth if pitocin was used, or an epidural. That 'it is sad that we would call something natural' if those things occured.

My problem with that is, it discounts the mother's experience. If she had pitocin, a little or a lot, and delivered vaginally, and is SO PROUD of her natural birth, who are we to tell her that was not a natural birth? If a woman has a long and exhausting labor and needs to REST, and so decides that it is best for her to have an epidural, who are we to tell her she didn't have a natural birth if thats what she identifies it as? And who really cares?? Why are we so caught up in an ideal that we are making moms feel like they failed because they had an IV, or had their waters ruptured, or had medical pain relief? It is so unfair, in my humble opinion, to taint feelings of pride and accomplishment for an ideal that we hold personally. It is not about us. It is not about me. It is not about my opinion of a mother's birth, it is about how SHE felt about it. It is my goal to have a mother walking out of that hospital saying "I did it, I am proud and happy with my birth", HOWEVER that may come about.

Yes, there are things to be said about the dangers and downsides of various interventions. Yes, I would rather, for the sake of my client and her baby, not have them exposed to the risks of interventions. But they are grown women, and as long as they know the benefits and risks of every procedure they undergo, I am right there with a smile on my face supporting them wholeheartedly. I want my mamas to have a wonderful, empowered memory of their birth. That is my ideal at the end of the day.